Jen Shah’s 1 Year Journal Entry to Fans

Feb 15

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

I have been away from my family for one year. The depth of my pain is unrelenting and indescribable. However, throughout this painful process, God has substantially increased my humility, gratitude, and courage.

Upon entering FPC Bryan, I wholeheartedly believed that no one was suffering as badly as I was. I quickly recognized that so many women are here battling and overcoming circumstances far worse than mine. Their resilience inspires and truly humbles me.

Recognizing that God continues to bless me not withstanding my wretched and unpredictable surroundings; expressing sincere gratitude has been my most effective coping mechanism. Despair and depression are companions that strive to capture my undivided attention every single day. Praying five times a day helps keep these and other emotional serpents at bay. I am most grateful for the aspects of my life that have never left me: My Family and Faith. Thank you God.

In my daily prayers, I ask God for the courage to realize I am worthy of a second chance. Through the countless therapy sessions and classes I have taken, I am finding the courage to set my fear and guilt aside. My husband tells me every morning that I have to fight for my happiness. He said it takes unimaginable courage to smile, and find joy and laughter despite my circumstances.

The photo above was taken nearly eight months after I surrendered. My husband's advice finally settled into my heart and I found the courage to smile, find genuine joy and laughter by participating in a Barbie Hair Show Competition as "Adventure Barbie". My Barbie team and I razzle-dazzled the Real Hair Updo category with a fully choreographed routine to Latto's "Big Energy!" It brought me so much joy to put smiles on my fellow inmates faces. (And yes, we won our category.)

There is still so much I must learn while I am here at FPC Bryan, I am grateful God has given me a better foundation to appreciate his unwavering love and blessings to fight for that moment of happiness each day.